TIME FOR SOME EQUALITY – A MODEST PROPOSAL

As some of you may have learned already, a Republican (who else) Representative is proposing a tax code provision that would investigate whether a terminated pregnancy was the result of rape or incest. The theory is that tax credits and deductions cannot be used for abortions, therefore a women claiming such benefits would, if she were being audited, have to prove the circumstance. And the IRS would be responsible for acquiring written documentation of that circumstance. In other words, the woman would have to prove that she had been in compliance with current abortion laws. The argument on this continues.

Now I personally am seeing a real gender bias on the part of Congressional Republicans. It does indeed seem that they are terribly interested in taking away rights, protections, coverage, and supports from women. And I would like to make a proposal to help even the playing field. Now I don’t expect to get a lot of support for this right out of the box, but I think if people mull it over for a while, they will begin to see the value of my Modest Proposal.

Step One – All forms of medication for erectile dysfunction are immediately removed from the open market. Viagra and its confreres may only be administered by a doctor. However it cannot be prescribed for anything other than providing for the needs of the duly married spouse (female, of course). It would be illegal to provide the drug(s) to any unmarried male, and it would be illegal to use the result of the medication on any person other than the duly married spouse. Hence, any male using Extenze, for example, who is having an affair, would be subject to arrest and fines.

Step Two – Since most people include their medications on their tax returns, any payments for these drugs, should the individual be audited, would require contemporaneous documentation that he was in fact unable to perform. This would include the name of the party with whom he could not perform (the spouse), the dates that he could not perform, and the methods undertaken to encourage him to perform.

Oh, and health insurance companies may chose to cover the expenses, but it will be their responsibility to acquire the necessary documentation.

Now I know there are some women who would see this as pouring cold water, as it were, on their good times. Many women aren’t married, and may not care to be married, and feel that they are entitled to those special moments, not matter what their status. But come on, we all know we don’t really need that particular anatomical part to have that special moment. Sure, it’s OK, but it’s not absolutely required. And really, how many times has lover boy had his special moment and rolled over and gone to sleep. It’s your turn, sister. And if he feels as one male (and this is a direct quote from a man who is mysteriously still alive), “I don’t want to. I might get frustrated”, then turn to your friendly little BOB (battery-operated boyfriend). It gets it right every time, it doesn’t leave a mess, it’s there when you need it…the list goes on.

And if you are one of those women in the category of “Married”, think how much more fun your life will be. He will be able to perform for you and you alone. Think there’s another woman? Turn his ass in.

Now I think this would go a long way (not really trying for a pun there) to equalizing the pain that our current government seems determined to inflict. They keep saying that everyone has to share in the hardships (oops, there goes another), so let’s be sure that everyone does indeed get a chance to play.